Patience

                                                                    "Come as you are"

Being happy isn't always easy. Sometimes it takes a little bit of perspective, patience, and attitude adjustments. You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails. 

These past few weeks have been every bit of being weak, being strong, being tough, and being emotional. I've always promised myself that if I am going to have a blog I am going to keep being honest but real at the same time.  

                                                                 Here it goes...

Number one:My anxiety level has been sky rocket. 

Number two:I have been missing teaching so much lately. 

Number three:Going through speech therapy, physical therapy, and TRYING to get into occupational therapy is just nothing short of being overwhelming. It isn't fixing dystonia totally and that frustrates me but at the same time I knew it wasn't a cure all. 

Number four:When my body flares I have a real hard time keeping my cool. I was a pre-school teacher. I fixed things from toys to tears on a daily basis but I am finding myself unable to fix my own problems. 

Number five:What is taking Jesus so long to return? Like I'm getting tired of the wait. Every time I turn around its a "Be patient Chelsi" OR a "I know the waiting is hard". No. It's just annoying. 

 My favorite part of teaching was always the thousands of pictures I would come home with each day.

              My Mom texted me today and said that one of the littles made me a picture today! 

                      Little did that little one know it is just what I needed to make my day. 

        My favorite part of being a toddler and preschool teacher was the love they had for everyone. 

Sweetest story:When a parent comes to pick up their child and stops to say "My child prayed for you last night on her hands and knees. I'm not sure what for but she said "Jesus knows mommy!" Come to find out that little four year old was praying that I would feel better. 

    While my heart isn't in teaching daily like it once was I have found myself missing the "Miss.Chelsi!" a thousand times a day. The "I wove you Miss.Chelsi!" at least ten times a day! The little giggles or the "Miss.Chelsi I want to pray! She always gets to pray. Can I?" My heart<3

                       I am thankful that Jesus has placed my heart at Chick-fil-a. 

I am thankful that I am loved there. I am thankful for bosses who love Jesus. Who stop to pray with me. I am thankful for the little things like this in life. 

I get to be around people daily. I love people. I love that no person is the same in this life. I love that Jesus has grown me so much since being with CFA. 

                                    Sweetest story:My interview with the owner. 

The times that the senior team leads like Alexis, Rachel, and Mckenzie have all taken time out to just love me right where I am. I am so imperfect and they see past that imperfection. How thankful I am. 

I know that I could go to them and tell them anything in this world and still get the reply "Love you Chels!" This last month was such a struggle and in that time of struggle I knew that I had so many praying for me. Including supporting me in flying miles away to Washington even after I missed work a few weeks before due to dystonia. 

The last few weeks my heart has been in question of staying a host for the scavenger hunt in the state of Indiana. That's my baby but somedays I just get so overwhelmed by it all and think to myself "I'm not making a difference. There is no cure. What am I doing?" I want nothing else to see a cure for the little people. Sometimes, I just feel like what I am doing isn't enough. 

I with two others are hosting the very first dystonia support group this weekend. While I am excited I am also on the struggle bus with it all. Growing up there was nothing like this. We knew no one with dystonia...even when I got diagnosed. I am not so sure that I am ready to re live the struggles we faced growing up this next weekend.
                     15 families have joined and will be joining us in Indy Sunday afternoon for this.
My prayer is in this that others (weather it's parents, teenagers, children, adults, grandparents) will know the moment they walk in and some of us meet one another for the first time they will know they aren't alone. 

             
 My little lunch date Tuesday asked me "Chelsi why do you move a lot?" 

              A part of me didn't know how to answer that question but knew I needed too. 

I said "Dystonia. It's goofy isn't it?!" Thinking she would agree but instead says "Does it hurt?"

            I quickly said "Somedays." The little one said "You need a nap then!"

                                              "Stonia is like mean but get mean back ok?!" 

                                    When you want the truth about life just talk to a child! 

Last week Indy called and I have an appointment with a movement disorder doctor in May. I know that sadly there is no cure but I just can't help but to be scared of what I might hear. That "There is nothing else we can do" hurts. I really struggle with communication. Shocker! I know but in all seriousness It's not that I mean to struggle with it on purpose. I just struggle with it. Weakness of mine for sure! I am preparing myself so I can actually talk to this doctor in a way he will understand where my struggles lay. In hopes he can guide us on those flare up days a little better. 

                Somedays. Some weeks. I struggle. This would be one of those weeks.

          This has been MY jam this week in the mist of questioning my leadership skills.
             I want to lead like Jesus but this week I have felt so just not good at anything...