When Dystonia has the best of you...

"I'm thankful for the scars...because without them I wouldn't know your heart..."

I'll be completely honest:

Fact: Dystonia has taught me that in this life there will be struggles that I could never really be prepared for. 

My biggest struggle these last few months have been: being angry. 

When dystonia hits my body...it hits without warning. 

It throws me off my game! 

It makes me not love myself the way I want too.

My famous line is "You don't understand..."

Fact 2: When the Lord placed me at Chick-fil-A Muncie, he sure knew what he was doing! 

I would have to say that our marketing director and operator hear "You don't understand" the most. 

Here's the funny thing:

They understand the most!

I gained a sister when I started working at Chick-fil-A Muncie! 

Fact 3: No matter how upset I get about dystonia, they haven't ever stopped loving me. 

In fact I will hear "Chels. Dystonia does not define you! We need you around here. We love you!" 

OR 

"Chels. I can't fix it. I wish I could but I can't. I get it though! I'm sorry." 

I think that has been the hardest part for me. Is hearing that no human can "fix" it. 

I remember one day Craig teaching me something new and I needed help. He quickly turned to help me. Looking up and said "I don't know weather you know this or not but you do have dystonia. Asking for help is ok!"

My reply "You know what? I don't think it's going to go away either..."

That was the first time in my life that I openly admitted that and it felt so good!
All my life I had this mindset I would find the "fix" and or the "cure".
Maybe one day but just not today.

Fact 4: Dystonia sometimes just kicks my butt.
My first reaction is to get super mad.
This means that I am not in control of my body and I don't like that feeling.
Why?
My biggest fear in this life is to not be loved.

"Fear comes when we are scared."

I would say that in this point of my life I am just that.
What happens if my dystonia gets to the point I can't walk?
Knowing that dystonia will do what it wants.
Knowing that at the end of the day I have no control weather dystonia takes more of my body or not.
What I do have control over is how I decide to handle it.
If I handle with a bitter heart then that is what others will see when they see me.
I want others to see Jesus's love he has had on me and for me through this journey.

Flashback:
I remember the nurse whom was in the room when I got a spinal tap done.
She asked me "Is dystonia scary?"
My reply "Yeah. I am scared now."
She smiled and held my hand so tightly...
The doctor doing the spinal tap said "Your tough. You'll be okay!"

I am learning each day is a new day!
When dystonia hits my body I am not "sick". I am just in a battle that I can't face alone.

If anyone tells you they can fight their battles alone they are lying by the way.
No one can.
If they try...it's messy!
Been there. Done that.
I am so blessed to have a HUGE support system!
 Chick-fil-A Muncie team has been the best team I have ever been on!
Thank you all for allowing dystonia to be so "normal" in our store.
I am thankful that Craig took the chance on me almost two years ago!
I have recently learned how to do have a headset on while carrying a tray.
Talk about challenge!

The influence Craig has on his business will leave a huge impact on this world for years to come...

Our team is full of love for one another and it shows! 


And maybe a little goofy!

If you want to ever feel loved and wanted go visit Chick-fil-A Muncie!